Homework 17- Outline Suggestions

I commented Kate and Carrie's blogs because my partners did not post their outlines.

Kate,

First, let me say I really enjoyed reading your paper/outline, and found it extremely interesting. I also really like your thesis, it was clear, sharp, concise, and most importantly, summed up your arguments perfectly. I liked your arguments, and thought that your use of Feed and Wall-E as evidence helped make your arguments even stronger. Another thing is, I agree with Charles, your outline is extremely organized. It’s easy to read, and makes perfect sense.

One thing I think you can add on to is in your last paragraph, you quoted that women we interviewed. She said “She said she would limit her son from using to much technology "because he could be outside spending time doing other things, though he often sees me on the computer and wants to go on too".” I think that you should incorporate your views on if you would limit your child’s digital device use because it would show a sharp contrast between people of two different ages. People are always saying adults think teenagers are stupid and are consumed with excessive use of technology, and I think it would be good to see how your view contradicts to hers, if it does.

Another thing I think you should add your view to is in your second to last paragraph, where you state “Even today it is odd to hear that someone does not have a cell phone or an ipod/mp3 player.” How do you think these people feel, these people without these forms of technology? Do you believe they are getting along fine without it, or feel the pressure to conform and buy a digital representation device?

Overall, your paper was amazing, like I said above. I can’t wait to read your final draft, please IM me when it is up (:

-Rachel

Carrie,

First, let me say I enjoyed reading your outline. I thought it was extremely organized, concise, and sharp. Your thesis is extremely thought out, and makes a lot of sense. Your arguments are also extremely thought out, and I can tell that you spent a lot of time trying to word them correctly. The resulting product is fantastic.

I really liked your quote in the first paragraph, “For some, computer screens act as barriers that help us avoid the type of physical confrontations we fear. This shield allows us to create a virtual identity where we become the person we've always wanted to be.” I agree with this statement, because social networking websites such as Facebook and Myspace help users create a false sense of protection. We could be talking to someone who acts two different ways, once outspoken online, but shy in person. It’s an interesting contrast, and I like how you focused an argument on that.

I think that in argument one, using Wall-E as an example is smart, and helps support your point; however I think you should elaborate more on how it connects to our society and who we are as humans. How does the interaction between Wall-E and the guy connect to our society, and the daily social interactions between humans, whether it is through the use technology or in person?
I also like that you incorporated quotes from your classmates and their view points, it definitely strengthens your arguments. I also like that you put me in your paper (:

Just a last bit of advice, talk about online predators and how social networking sites make it easy for predators to reach out to young children or teenagers. As many know, social networking sites make it easy for predators to catch their prey, and I think it would be interesting to read your point of view on that subject.
I really liked reading your outline, and can’t wait to read your post (:
-Rachel