I knew from the first time I laid eyes on her, she would be deemed as the “coolest kid in school.” Maybe it was her effortless style, or her natural beauty of a face, but there was something about her that struck me as cool. Her jeans were tucked into boots, her shirt was rumpled, and her hair looked like she just woke up and brushed it once but nothing more, but she radiated a sense of “coolness” whenever she walked. She was distant, and would not expand on her past when asked, her face a contortion of emotions, but her lips never leaking out one word. Few disliked her, most admired her. But let me go back to the first time I saw her.
It was a Monday morning, and the English teacher droned on and on in his nasal voice. Sleep threatened to take over my body, my eyes willing my brain to let them close. Students all over were napping, their heads spread out on tables, some lightly snoring. A blast of wind entered the classroom, followed by a door opening. Peeking to the front, I saw a tall girl standing still.
“You are?” The teacher asked.
“Taylor…Taylor Burns.”
“Ah yes, nice to meet you Ms. Burns. Yes we were expecting you. Please, take a seat. There’s one right there,” the teacher replied, pointing to the one near me.
It seemed as if she was gliding across the classroom, her hair bouncing but her eyes averted from connecting with anyone else’s.
“Nice to meet you,” I tried to be nice.
“Thanks,” she replied, coolly pulling out a patterned notebook.
“So, um…where do you come from?” I asked…trying to strike up a conversation. Our small school wasn’t use to getting new students, and I wanted to pry as much information from her as I can.
Her eyes shifted to me, starting quizzically at me, as if they were trying to figure me out. Her lips parted, as if to say something, and then closed again. After a long moment of silence, one word came out of her lips. “California.”
I was going to ask her more, considering I never met anyone from California before, but I stopped myself. She looked distant; her eyes seem to stare out to a spot on the wall. Mysterious, I decided. Mysterious was the word to best describe her.
Once the bell rang, she packed up her books in a handmade organic cotton bag, and stepped out of the classroom. Without asking anyone where to go next, she consulted her schedule and walked off. As she walked down the hallway, heads swiveled, whispers escaping people’s mouths. If she noticed, she didn’t say anything. She radiated “coolness” because of “I don’t care” attitude, and her distant attitude. Her style seemed effortless, and the students at school quickly picked it up. Some chose to talk crap about her, but others tried to befriend her. Those who criticized her made themselves feel better, jealousy and hatred radiating on their faces, but those who tried to befriend her got nothing but a soft smile and a blank stare. It was as if she did not want to talk to anyone, only wanted to do her own thing. Of course, this made her cooler in my eyes, along with half of the grade’s eyes. Here comes a girl from California, effortless beauty, aloof, distant, silent, but yet demanding attention in a discreet way. Her name escaped peoples lips, whispered in hushed tones, yet she didn’t seem to care.
It’s now three months since Taylor first stepped into our school, and I still know nothing about her. Mysterious? Yes, that’s her. Many tried to talk to her, but she never seemed to divulge more than one word answers. She was highly respected, and everyone knew her name, some even attempted to copy her style. Poseurs, I thought inside, wondering what was going on in her mind when she saw these followers in the hallway. Staring into her soft gray eyes, I realized I would never know. But one thing was sure, this girl was the definition of “cool”.
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Your story seems to be about the cool looks and her attitude. From your story, cool means to be mysterious, have the "I don't care" attitude, and be distant from others.
ReplyDeleteRachel,
ReplyDeleteI liked how you portrayed the girl as someone who is mysterious and isn't social. Usually, people associate social skills with popularity. But in this case, your character was popular even when she didn't express interest in getting to know anyone.
This was an odd version of cool, a cross between the pretty girl and mysterious cowboy type which is a bit odd but makes sense the way you describe it. I would have liked to see you make the character seem cool on her own instead of having everyone else say she's cool and the reader by association thinking she's cool, remember "show don't tell". Besides that, your story was well written and showed an odd way of being cool that we haven't seen much of
ReplyDeleteRachel- I see that your girl is all about outer beauty where she wears the right stuff and has a pretty face and style. She is also in a way isolated/ indifferent since you explain her as not giving anything about her self. This is different then Carrie's story where her cool person had a social personality and that made her cool.
ReplyDeleteI like how you tell the story from your own point of view, as if you were looking at this girl right now and thinking about the first day you saw her. Your character doesn’t seem to want all this attention or be cool, she is naturally a pro at it. You don’t use money, or “cool” clothes to show that she is cool, she is just “cool” the way she is.
ReplyDeleteRachel, I thought it was interesting that you pointed out bluntly what made her cool. I think that your story worked best when you led the reader to draw their own conclusions and left the girl a mystery. By having her ignore others and dismiss their opinions of her, I think that you made her seem like her own person, an individual, which is always cool. Adding in the copycats at the end was a nice touch to show the social impact she was having on the community and that others also thought she was cool.
ReplyDeleteRachel, I liked the way you used another character to depict the new girl. She seems aloof and she's cool to other people because they don't know much about her and want to know more. She has a nonchalant attitude because doesn't try to impress people which is what the character is so impressed with. She also has physical attributes and a style people admire.
ReplyDelete