Homework 57- Parenting 101

As a teenager with rules and a curfew, I always promised myself I would be that “cool” parent, the parent that lets my child do whatever they want as long as they get good grades and stay safe. I hate having a curfew, when my friends don’t. I hate having to always call my mom and tell her where I am, and I hate feeling that my parents don’t trust me (because honest to God, what parent trusts their teenage daughter?). I always try to do my best in school, and in return I would like to have a later curfew and some freedom. I don’t do anything for my parents not to trust me. What I am basically trying to say is that I want to be that cool, nonchalant, loving, caring parent, the parent that my kids are not embarrassed to be around. But I never thought about how hard it actually is to be a parent, especially of a teenager. At my current age, I feel that I should be treated as an adult, but my parents don’t think the same. Which results in a clash of minds.

I believe that the perfect parent would be the parent that has some rules and boundaries for their child, but also lets them make mistakes. I find that I learn best from making my own mistakes. People tell me not to do something, and what do I do? I do it anyway, just to experience it for myself. We as humans are constantly making mistakes to improve our wellbeing, and parents need to realize that our young minds are still developing, and we need to be able to explore what the world has to offer. However, I believe a child should try their best in school, meaning getting a B as the lowest grade they will receive. Think of it as a compromise, the child receives freedom and only some boundaries, but in return they produce a report card with straight A’s and make it into a good college. Sounds about fair in my opinion. I think parenting is all about compromise, what works best for both parties? Now I don’t believe that a child/teenager can be out all night, getting wasted and ending up in jail. I believe that can hang out with their friends and have fun, as long as they are staying safe and not doing anything stupid.

I do believe that my parents are good parents though; I am not going to lie. Over the years, my mom and I had a rocky relationship, because neither of us was willing to compromise. About two years back, I absolutely hated her guts, as I am sure she did mine. I would go out practically every weekend, and break curfew all the time (but with a ten o’clock curfew, who could blame me?) I hung out with the worst people, and completely messed up my first semester of junior year, because I just didn’t care about anything. I had a boyfriend at the time, and spent all my time with him and his friends. My mom hated him, which made him so much more attractive, on my opinion. We barely talked about anything, and I had so much teenage angst that when she would talk to me I would completely blow her off. Things got a little better a couple of months later, as I dumped the guy and started to focus more on my schoolwork. But then things went down the hill again, as I started dating a new guy whom my parents liked at first. But after ten months, they detested his guts. They hated who he was, and how he treated me, and how he changed my outlook on life. They claimed he had no future goals, and always reminded me that school work came before anything. We got in so many arguments about him, and once again I broke curfew and lied about where I was and who I was with just to be with him. Once we broke up, I started to talk to my mom about my feelings, and open up more, because I needed someone to listen to me and she was there. Our relationship started to rebuild, and we became friends once again. Now I am always telling her about my day, about the latest gossip, or about whoever else is new in my life. My curfew is flexible, and I no longer lie about who I am with or what I am doing. Throughout all of this, I have to give my mom props, because through writing all of this down, I realized I was not the best daughter in the world. However, she never gave up on me, and always pushed me to achieve my dreams. That’s one thing I believe every parent should do, make their children set a dream and work towards it. My dream at the beginning of senior year was to make it into Northeastern University, and my mom never doubted me even though I believed she did at some points. Once I did get in, she worked her hardest to help me receive aid to attend the school, and now that is my school I will be attending for college.

One piece of advice my mother always told me was to set a goal for any and everything you do, and work towards it no matter what happens along the way. I use to be satisfied with getting B’s in my classes, but my mother made me realize that if I push myself, I could do so much better. A good parent has to show their children that they can achieve their dream, and always remind their child that they will be there supporting them through any and everything that happens. Although parents and their children might fight, they are still connected through a bond, and that bond will never break no matter what happens.

For the texts, I chose to read the article “When Parenting Theories Backfire”. I found this article hilarious for two reasons, the kids sounded adorable although a little troublesome, and this theory is not the brightest theory I ever heard of. Sure, you would assume that giving children some sort of choice makes them feel as if they have power over their decisions, but honestly, why do children need such power? After giving a child endless options, they begin to take advantage of them, thinking that everything their parent offers them is a choice, not a demand. Gradually, when a child gets older, I do believe that they should be able to have a say in the matter, but at the tender age of five or six, why the need for free choice? I think that when kids get freedom of choice at such an early stage, they go through life thinking that everything is catered to their needs and preferences, thus making them spoiled brats. Parents need to decide when the best age to give their children freedom of choice is.

For the second text, I chose to read the article “Ferber Method”. This method actually made more sense than the above theory, because it helped the child become more independent. By extending the periods to which you check on your child when they are falling asleep, you are showing the child that they are becoming independent, and don’t need to rely on someone else to help them fall asleep. This helps the child not become too dependent on their parents, and gives them a sense of power by being alone.